Thank you so much for taking the time to read my story, my beginning. It's a little long winded, and probably a little mind boggling, but I want to share the full story with you, I want you to experience the moment that changed my life as if you were sitting in the room with me. So sit back, take a nice slow relaxing deep breath and enjoy.
The Full Story
Just a few days before graduation, I quit my job in psych. The job in my degree field with a promotion lined up, my clear path to success was now non-existent.
I loved psych, I loved my patients my coworkers, I loved applying what I learned in class into action, I loved making a difference. But truth be told there was this looming sense of emptiness. No matter the impact I made that day or how catastrophic that day was, I never felt whole. You see, I never wrestled with the idea of quitting my job. The path I created for myself was set, I was making a difference, I just had to get used to the bad days, right?! Well that was until Oct 31, 2016. I didn't work nights but you know, broke college student woes, so I picked up a shift, we were short staffed that night, there is usually two techs on each side of the unit but I was the only one. That night, I was backed into a corner by an aggressive patient. What were they angry about, I am not sure I can go into detail but trying to remain calm as this patient shouted their demands inches from my face. I slowly slide my body across the wall trying my best to reach the nurses station door all the while stealthy removing my keys from my pocket without upsetting the patient further. I managed to get my keys into the door as I turned the key another teammate braced herself to help me, I pushed myself through the door and the patient forced themselves behind me but my coworker was able to thrust the door shut behind me. I fell to the floor, braced myself on the wall, all I remember from that point on was that everything was so loud but moving at a snail’s pace. After that horrific event and changes that were being made, I knew couldn't stay.
Let me paint the picture for you, It's December in Pensacola FL, day 2 of unemployment. I am home alone, the balcony door is open, the sun is shining and I have a candle lit for aroma. usually this would be my happy place, everything is clean, it smells good, and the sun is out but sadness clothed me like it was the dead of a Wisconsin winter. I couldn't get over this place my life was now in. Did I waste the last 2.5 years working in psych, my psych degree is pointless now, I'm an immigrant and a failure, a disappointment to my family, I am the first one with a degree but I don't have a promising career to help them. Did I even help my patients? there's no way I could make a difference, who is going to hire me now? my future is trash, how i am supposed to fulfil my purpose now, God what do you have for me now? I’m useless and a mistake to everyone around me. I laid on the couch in pure silence, but those thoughts echoed so loudly in my head. My face warm, my eyes burning! I am not sure when it started but I'm crying. My silent cries turn into murmur, my face and couch wet from tears, eventually those murmurs turned into groaning and I don't know when I ended up on the floor, but at this point I'm blinded by my tears, my eyes too heavy and too hot to open, my face is covered in moisture and to be honest I am unsure out of which orifice these liquids came from but there they were marrying on my face and down my shirt. My expectations, my desires, my sadness, my desperation, my defeat, my uncertainty about the future, my future, my purpose, all of that came up with those tears and those groanings. I called out to God in a way that I have never done before, I prayed a desperate prayer, an honest prayer. I asked God to give me something to do, something that I can do with my hands, something that would bring Him glory. I prayed and prayed until I couldn't say anything else.
In my silence, sitting there on my knees, eyes glossy, mouth dry, I felt the weight of all I was carrying lift off of me, if my eyes were still closed I probably would have thought I was in a dream just floating around. But my eyes were fixed on that lit candle. and in that moment my mind was bombarded with reassuring verses but one stood out, reverberating like a church cymbal. James 1:2-3 "My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience." Eyes still fixed on that candle, it was like an instant download. Count It All Creations, A candle company with candles based on the different books of The Bible. It was like a switch was flipped, a match stroked, in the very moment something was different, the feelings of despair and defeat weren't there. I got up and went to dollar tree and hobby lobby and bought candle supplies. Went back home and made my first candle, and from that day forward, I never looked back.
I said all that to say that Count It All came from a very vulnerable, intimate moment with God, a moment where He heard me, comforted me, reassured me, and answered my prayer. These are the same moments I want you to experience.
The vision for Count It All is that when you receive a candle, or a room spray, or whatever you choose to purchase, you’ll read the verse that inspired that particular scent and you too will have your own moment with God. That you'll hear that still small voice, that you'll be reassured, that you'll smile or find solace in whatever you might be facing, maybe even get an answer to that prayer that you silently prayed. My hope is that you'll have joy, maybe grow to be a little curious about that verse and dig a little deeper and you too will choose to invite God into your life.
I plan to continue living a life full of vulnerability seated at His feet. To continue to feel and live wholly. Every experience, good bad and indifferent serving as an opportunity to be intentional about creating something that will resonate with you.
I invite you to join me on this journey of filling your spaces and your hearts with great scents and anchoring wisdoms, using all that life has to offer us to build astounding patience and to ultimately Have Joy!
There is more to this story!
How Desperate was I? It only took me 4 years to actually sell my first candle. Click below to read "conception", the journey from idea to reality.
okay okay, life got in the way again, but trust me its not like last time. Click below to read "Sabbatical" my almost 3 year journey to rediscovering myself and my relationship with God.